Do not wail against the flow

As I was reading the regulations on the escalators which link the hilly districts of Hong Kong Island –

I realised that this is where I’ve been going wrong all my life … too much wailing against the flow.

Taking this advice to heart, I declined a trip on a junk at dusk –

– on the basis that there was far too much flow, and it was going up and down in an alarmingly nausea-inducing way.

So, I decided to stay with the flow and wait for nightfall on terra firma, where it was just as picturesque, and much more stable.

Then, on a trip to the History Museum, I learnt that a terrible accident might have been averted if only people had realised that buns flow downwards … at least they do on Earth, where gravity means that all buns are pulled down towards the Earth, unless the buns in question happen to be larger than the Earth, if I’ve understood my science lessons correctly.  So, climbing a ten-metre high bun-tower definitely counts as wailing against the flow, and during the 1978 Annual bun scramble on Cheung Chau Island, a bun tower collapsed and caused many injuries.

Ironically, the buns have the word ‘longevity’ stamped on them,  and are said to bring protection and good fortune … but obviously not to those who topple ten metres down a wonky pole in an attempt to grab one.

Still going with the flow, we got the funicular to the top of the peak –

– and I then hurled myself down in a daring bungee jump, all the way to the bottom –

and, as if that wasn’t exhausting enough, I then flowed fearlessly towards my adversary –

– as I starred in my own comic strip.

The flow was most definitely going in the right direction when we came across the Craft Gin and Cocktail Bar, where I discovered my new favourite cocktail –

– the gin sour: two for the price of one in happy hour … even more flow going in the right direction.

So I’m now anticipating a very smooth journey as I skip along life’s formerly rugged path, always remembering not to wail against the flow.

 

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You’d be bonkers not to go via Honkers …

 


… as the old Aussie advertisement for Cathay Pacific used to go.

So, to confirm my sanity, I decided to spend the spring break in Hong Kong, which is only a hop and a skip and £150 return from KL.

The harbour views are fantastic

and the crew on the Star Ferry have the cutest uniforms –

 But as Hong Kong is all  about the food, we took a food tour and discovered my new favourite food – crispy egg waffles- 

Not so sure about the vegetarian pork though –

We saw this decidedly flat duck in the market-

— and he was looking fairly pissed off with life in general.  Luckily the roast goose we ate arrived ready sliced –

– so we were spared the lugubrious expression.

These cakes are all for dogs …

because everyone buys their dog a birthday cake, don’t they?  Or a bone shaped biscuit at the very least?

We walked past multiple agencies offering maids for hire –


– and our guide explained that the most important thing to find out about a prospective maid is their Chinese horoscope animal and their zodiac sign –

– and the next most important thing is their position within their own family

… and to hell with whether they can wield an iron or boil a dumpling.

The logic behind this is  that all maids send cash home to their family in Indonesia or the Philippines, and  elder children are more likely to feel a sense of responsibility to their younger siblings at home and be obedient to their employers and eager to please.

They earn about £90 a week, and on their days off, sit under bridges or on staircases chatting with their friends – not much of a life.

But these two looked cheery enough when I took a photo.

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You know you’re in Singapore when …

 

… the water features at the airport –

look more like the installations you’d find in a five star hotel anywhere else.

… you can get a glass of perfectly chilled Piper Heidsieck –

at the theatre –

rather than a can of tepid 7-Up, which tends to be the classy beverage of choice in Malaysia.

… when the most heinous crime committed –

wouldn’t even rate a mention in most other countries.

… when their national ‘dish’ –

is a fruity and frivolous cocktail.

… and when nobody finds names of pawnshops extremely funny –

except me – and possibly any visiting Scousers.

 

 

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